I was never really big on job titles at my previous employers, hell, at my last job I was listed as “Programmer I”, not even sure I know the difference between the tasks I am given here on a daily basis verses my last employer. Well actually, I take that back. I started working here Nov 2006 and was told I would be working on a large Enterprise Java Application, so I guess that makes me a “Java Developer.” As time went by, the titles began to pile up. Being from out of town and moving to a new city, I found myself going out often to meet new people in the Uptown Charlotte area and convincing co-workers to go to bars, concerts, and sporting events. It wasn’t long before I was telling my weekend stories on Monday morning to a very attentive audience. I had them hanging on my every word. These actions would soon gain me more respect in the office as I was the front-runner for the position of “Director of Fun Stuff”.

Going-out partying every weekend will catch up with you, but it doesn’t have to. I and no one else in the office was a smoker and had smoked for a while. Every other hour I was slipping out the door to fire one up and take another 7 minutes from my life. I would come back in and suffocate the office with my cigarette stench. Some in the office would tell me I was putting them at risk from the smell of smoke. This immediately gave me a title I was never proud of, “Director of Tobacco and Firearms.” Not real sure why the firearms came into the equation, but I guess, if the shoe kind of fits wear it? Many months later I decide there was a way to “have my cake and eat it too”, literally. I traded in the “Tobacco and Firearms” title by giving up smoking after 12 years for my new position, “Director of Party Planning.” Instead of going out on the weekends, I was planning the next birthday party in the office.

In my early part of employment here, the staff was only about 6-7 employees so we had to help out with certain chores around the workplace.  There was one chore that I dominated. Any Guesses? That’s right, I gave the best beverage orders to the Coca-Cola Representative, Keyosha, and I didn’t stock the two office refrigerators half bad either. I made sure everyone in the office could sip their favorite cold drink as they worked. You know how stressful that job is these days. You have the people screaming for diet soda, at the same time you have to worry about fuel surcharges and keeping cost down. Let’s just say I am still doing this chore today. If you come in and see me stocking the refrigerators, don’t call me by my name; call me by my title, “Director of Beverage Coordination.”

As with any office sometimes things need upgraded, improved and supported. That’s when most offices call an electrician, plumber, desktop support or a contractor. Not Mode. They call me. Not the “Java Developer” they hired back 2 years ago. They call the “Director of Maintenance”, “Director of Research and Development”, or “Director of Helpdesk.” If you are at Mode and you call any of the previous areas of expertise, I just bet the phone right here on my desk is going to ring. You may ask, “What do these title do”, and I’ll ask you, “What do the titles not do?” I hang flat-screen TV’s in the conference room after hours till 12:30 am. I scramble to fix broken chairs just minutes before clients arrive–those damn chairs! One day arrived at work to find a broken chair had been put on my desk for repair. Not beside my desk but on top of my desk. I make sure everyone can connect to the “Interweb” and even use their outdated Microsoft Software that they say they can’t live without. When things go wrong at Mode, I am going to hear about it.

Most of the time at Mode things don’t go wrong but that’s because I still work here, and I am the “Director of Mode-avation” as well. I keep people excited about coming to work and will go to almost all extremes to do so. I plan challenges against my co-workers and schedule things to do outside of the workplace.  Here lately though, I have not felt like myself. I feel like I let my co-workers down after refusing to eat all the icing off a birthday cake from a party we had here in the office. Time will get me through this and back on my feet. Being a great motivator, I sometimes have to get things done for the office in a more professional way and that’s when my PowerPoint presentation skills will dwarf most people.  Once in the office, I gave a presentation on “How Company Sponsored Snacks Would Increase Productivity.”  You know what? We now get snacks here in the office on a regular basis. That goes to show why I am also known as the “Director of PowerPoint Presentations and I would dominate anyone who would like to compete with my skills. My presentations come with flying pages, moving or blinking letters and sometimes when necessary, sound.

There are more titles, but I really don’t feel like rambling on and on about how many titles I have. Titles come easy for me. Would you like an example how easy they come?  One day some guy came by the office with a van full of plants and guess who decided that one would look good in our office. Also, guess who got voted a “shoe in” for the “Director of Horticulture.” It is now my job to water that plant when I feel that it is thirsty. Does anyone else have a responsibility like that?  A living organism depends on me to continue its existence.

Okay, okay, I’m done. I’m just saying its hard being me in this office…………… I’m back, had to get up and check the electrical plans for the new office. It won’t be long; I am sure, “Director of Electrical Engineering” is just hours away.